Aw, look at us going on a bike ride together, having a picnic.
Fresh air, protective headgear-- romantic and responsible.
Yeah, responsible for my helmet hair.
- But you're worth it. - Thanks.
We're gonna be so good on "celebrity first mates," 'cause we're first mates.
"Celebrity first mates"?
Yeah, it's the quiz show.
Remember, I told you about it-- "tween week" and the studio shows are competing for their charity, remember?
Right right, sorry.
I-- you just looked so cute in your protective headgear, I totally forgot.
Nice save.
- I'll race ya. - Ah. You're on!
Oh. You look good Chad! Chad!
Chad!
Chad! Oh my gosh! Are you Ok?
Yeah. Yeah. I'm Ok!
I'm not Ok. Why are there two of you?
Whoever you are! Guess I hate your boyfriend so hard and you're seeing double
I gotta go!
What's going on?
Alright. Well...!
The truth is....
.... Get back here Chad!
Chad?
Maybe I fell out of my bike!
I'm so bored.
- Wanna play video games? - Nah.
Wanna get out the blender
Yeah, that's original.
- What-- what was that? - Nothin'.
At least I'm tryin'.
Hey, whoa whoa whoa. What was that?
- Nothin'. - No no no.
- You said somethin'. - Ah!
That argument we had was the most exciting thing we've done all week.
Wanna do it again?
Nah.
Oh, what's happened to us?
Let's face it, dude-- we're in a rut.
You're bored with each other?
Yeah.
Now you know how the rest of us feel.
Which is why you two better get your act together for this week's "Celebrity first mates"
Oh, the game show?
Yeah. That'll be fun.
I forgot what fun is.
Oh, I'll tell you what fun is-- it's me fulfilling my dream of being this week's celebrity
You guys, you are never going to believe what just happened to me.
Oh, remember when things used to happen to us?
Okay, I just saw two chads.
Since you're all staring at me like I'm a nut job, I'll provide more detail.
There was one chad on a golf cart and one chad on a bicycle.
That information doesn't make you any less of a nut job.
I know. What's going on?
I'll tell you what's going on here.
Chad has an avatar.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
- It's a hologram. - Oh please.
Clearly chad's using a lookalike to cheat on her.
Yeah, I'm gonna go with avatar.
Look, I know it's hard to hear, sonny, but guys are dogs.
And hollywood guys are the worst dogs of all.
Ah, it's true.
We are.
Someday.
You know what? This is silly.
I'm sure there's some logical explanation for this.
I'm just gonna go ask him
one of him, if I can figure out which one.
Well, that rules out hologram.
I never saw "avatar," so I'm in no position to judge.
But I do know that I saw two of you.
So where's your secret girlfriend, chad?
First of all, there's no secret girlfriend.
Second of all, you didn't see "avatar"?
You wouldn't take me.
You mean chad wouldn't take you.
Sonny, I'm not chad.
I'm his stunt double, chaz.
You know what? I'm not buying it and neither is my stunt double bunny.
Chad dylan cooper to wardrobe, please.
Well go.
I would if I were chad dylan cooper, but I'm not.
I'm a completely different person.
I'm chaz milton looper.
- Really? - Indeed.
"Indeed"?
No no no, you were supposed " and then we would have gone, " " yeah well, like I said, chaz.
Yeah well, like I said, chaz.
All right.
- This isn't over, Cha..
..Z.
Well, I'm gonna go to wardrobe to find the ....D
You cheating cheater.
He's cheating on you with me.
Now that's what I'm talking about.
You know what? We're through, chaz.
Did you hear that?
Chaz, you're through.
Chaz?
You mean, you're not-- you're not chad?
- No. I'm Chazzzzz - Not "ddd"?
No. You just broke me up with my girlfriend.
Wait a second. I'm not convinced.
You hate this, don't you? See, I know you and you hate this.
What are you doing?
Oh my gosh, you didn't immediately just fix your hair.
You're not Chad.
Indeed.
This is getting way too weird.
Okay, I'm really sorry about your girlfriend.
- Should I call her? - No, it's okay. I'll handle it.
Honestly, I don't blame you for being upset.
Good. thank you. I-- I'll get out of your hair.
But I'm not letting you out of my sight, not until I get my hands on the real chad.
You're coming with me.
- Want any toppings? - No.
Not even a nut, a sprinkle or a shaving?
What's the point?
I guess this pretty much sums us up.
Yep, just a boring mix of chocolate and vanilla.
You know, if we eat this fast enough, we'll get a brain freeze.
Yeah.
At least we'll feel something.
Probably not.
All right, ferrigno.
What's it gonna take to buy you out?
I don't want your money.
What I want is to make a direct deposit into your face.
Unless you're gonna get your daddy to fight for you, MacKENZIE?
I fight my own battles, ferrigno.
Cut cut!
Bring-- bring my stunt double chaz in here to get punched in the face by lou ferrigno. go go.
One second, buddy.
Chaz?
I get paid no matter who I punch.
Chaz!
Move it, hulk.
Look, it's weird enough that there are two of you.
It's even weirder that when I found out there were two of you, you both ran off.
What are you hiding? Which one of you is which?
Quick, chaz, mix it up.
- Ah! - Ha!
Sorry, chad, you're gonna have to take this punch yourself.
What's going on? Why were you pretending to be chaz before?
Has chaz ever pretended to be you?
Were you even on our bike date?
No. But I have a really good reason.
Dazzle me.
I don't know how to bike.
What was that?
I said I don't know how to ( mumbling ) Ride a bike.
- Excuse me? - I don't know how to ride a bike!
Yeah no, I heard you the first time. I just couldn't believe it.
Look, I have a fear of spokes and pedals and this hitting the cement.
You know what?
That's such a relief.
I mean, grady thought you were an avatar
Nico thought you were a hologram
Tawni thought you were cheating on me.
- Ridiculous. - I know, right?
You know, now that I think about it, what you did was really sweet.
I mean, rather than you letting me down
I went to the trouble of getting a stunt double for this one thing.
Uh-huh.
It wasn't this one thing, was it?
Funny story.
When you're the #1 tween star
You have certain contractual obligations that preclude you from
putting yourself in harm's way.
Story's not funny yet.
Exactly what dates put you in harm's way?
Wait, that wasn't you?
There were pointy things involved.
Uh, harm's way.
What else?
Here's your cocoa.
- Seriously? - Hot liquid, sonny.
That's classic harm's way.
You done?
Happy one-week anniversary, myseñorita.
And they said we wouldn't last.
- Olé! - Olé!
Our anniversary?
You know mexican makes me gassy, and that would put you in harm's way.
See?
Just looking out for you.
No you weren't.
A stunt double? Really?
I mean, I just... I can't... - Spit it out, sonny.
We're over.
Spit it back in. Spit it back in.
No, you know what? We're done.
Our whole relationship has been a lie.
No. It hasn't
I just couldn't risk getting hurt.
So instead you hurt me.
- Sonny, no wait! I couldn't... just... - There you are, chaz.
Let's do this thing.
No! Seriously, I'm not "Chazzz". I'm "chaddd"!
Well, I got rid of him.
You and chad broke up?
Yeah, me and nico are this close to breaking up.
Are we really gonna have this conversation now?
Chad was so afraid of hurting himself
that he sent his stunt double chaz
on dates with me that he thought would put him in danger.
What kind of danger?
Rock climbing, rollerblading, eating mexican food.
- Mexican food? - What kind of mexican food?
Well, if it was dangerous or if it gave you gas, I would have been doing it with chaz.
This chaz guy sounds like exactly what we need to get us out of our rut.
Yeah. Come on, I want to stop by the dressing room to get my spelunking hat.
- We're back, baby! - Yeah! Ha ha!
I'm back too, baby.
Was I not clear?
Chad, we're over. I don't want you back.
But sonny, we're supposed to be going on "celebrity first mates" together.
Don't you want to set sail on the sea of forgiveness?
No, I'd rather set sail on the titanic.
At least those people got a nice meal before they went down.
I don't want to do anything with you.
In fact, I'm gonna do the show with the person that I thought was you-- chaz milton looper.
What did you do to chaz milton looper?
We broke him.
We broke him bad.
You know, sword fighting while spelunking sounded like a good idea on the car ride there.
Yeah, but waving a sharp object near a rope as you're dangling over the center of the earth
turns out you're in an ambulance on the way back.
Oh, maybe you're gonna have to call chad.
Save your minutes. I'm right here.
No way.
Beaten, battered and bandaged, chaz is still gonna be a better partner than you.
You heard that, right, chaz?
Ooh, was that a yes?
No, he just wants his pudding.
Ah hello?
I'm right here, cast free.
Can he work a buzzer?
See? chaddy can.
How about with a pencil?
Here you go.
What am I thinking? I can't do the show.
But you have to, sonny. Think about your charity.
And what is my charity, chad?
Kids?
Um, rainforests.
Orphaned armadillos?
He just broke his tongue on the pudding.
Well, that's everything.
All right. I guess I don't have a choice.
But I'm doing it for children's literacy, armadill-dork.
See?
We're already moving on to new pet names.
Right? Right? Miss... miss girlfriend of armadill-dork?
Whoa!
Once again, here's your host of "celebrity first mates," tawni hart!
Can I get an "aye aye"?
Aye aye.
All right. Let's get right to the first round.
Remember, the more you know about your first mates, the more points you'll get and the more money you'll make for your charity.
- Are you ready? - Ready!
You'll see, sonny, I won't let you down.
We're gonna kick some booty.
Booty-- like pirate treasures.
Oh! yeah, I totally get it. That's so funny.
All right, first-round questions are for pirate ramora, pirate nico and pirate chad.
Put down your eyepatches.
Where and when did you meet your first mate?
13 Years ago.
We threw up on the same teacup ride.
All over father diggins.
Why didn't you ring in?
Because you don't remember. Nice.
Next question: What's your first mate's favorite video game?
That's easy-- all of them.
I do love all of them.
- How did you know? - Who's player 2?
- You are. - Yeah.
Chad, you know that my favorite game is "dance dance dance attack," remember?
Which I played with chaz, didn't i?
Three dances and an attack?
Come on, sonny, I could not risk it.
Put yourself in my shoes.
You don't even put yourself in your shoes.
Grady's favorite fruit is cantaloupe, cut in a half moon served with lemon
Yeah!
Squid tentacles.
Those are my least-favorite type of tentacles.
Knuckle hair!
That is why I can't watch robin williams.
Har-hook! oh!
Yeah!
I can't believe it.
You didn't answer one question right.
Oh come on, do you know my least-favorite kind of tentacles?
Cuttlefish.
And you are a good listener.
Nico and grady are pillaging their opponents - with 23 points.
Tween gladiators have six.
And in the brig are sonny and chad, with -4.
Only 60 seconds left in round one.
Then it's full speed ahead.
What's your first mate's birthday?
- You better know this. - APRIL 3rd.
You-- oh!
AUGUST 20th.
What's my middle name?
- Ruth. - Ruth?
What's my mom's name?
- Ruth? - Connie!
- Who's ruth? - I don't know.
What are you doing? I ask the questions.
Well, I've got a few questions of my own.
Mutiny!
Okay, I'm gonna go really basic here.
What's my phone number?
Hang on, hang on, that is not a fair question.
Nobody knows each other's phone numbers.
We're all on speed dial.
Phone number-- 555-0100.
Cell: 555-0105.
Emergency contact: Nico harris.
555-0199!
- Let's get the "argh" right. - I'm tryin'.
That's the end of round one. We'll be right back after this commercial break.
Aw man!
We just clobbered to death these scallywags.
You know, we weren't in a rut at all.
Yeah. We didn't need chaz.
We have everything we need right here.
My man.
You see that? Now that's two people who care about each other.
We will never have what they have, chad.
You know why?
Because you know absolutely nothing about me.
Sonny, wait. Please.
- What? - I do know something about you.
I know you're the first girl who's ever called me out on me bein...
- A jerk? - Yeah.
But you did it because you knew that beneath at jerk, there was a person worth getting to know.
All I'm asking for, sonny, is a chance to start over and prove you right.
I'm sorry, chad.
It's too late.
Sonny, wait!
Wait, you didn't hear your "parr"ting gift!
Sonny?
Oh my gosh! Another thing that you lied to me about?
You do know how to ride a bike.
No. No, I really don't.
I'm really afraid right now, but I'm more afraid of losing you.
And come on, sonny, I'm reaching out to you.
No, really, I'm reaching out to you because I don't know how to stop this thing.
Help me!
I guess you really didn't know how to ride a bike.
Chad, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm-- I'm okay.
Okay, are you sure? What's your name?
- Chad dylan cooper. - What's my name?
Sonny munroe.
What's today's date?
OCTOBER 2nd.
- Good. remember that. - Why?
Because it's the day that I decided to give you a second chance.
Really?
Chad, are you crying?
Yeah. This is why I need a stunt double.
Nice to see all the contestants are back for the speed round.
Here we go. Your first mate's favorite sport?
OCTOBER 2nd.
- Name of their first pet? - OCTOBER 2nd.
- Home town? - OCTOBER 2nd.
Aw, I get it.
You're so excited that I gave you a second chance that you never want to forget this day.
OCTOBER 2nd.
Or you have a concussion.
OCTOBER 2nd.
Um, yeah, could we get a doctor?
IT'S OCTOBER 2nd!
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